9 Things Dogs Would Tweet if They Could

Your dog has thoughts and feelings. Complicated thoughts and feelings. What if he could express them in ways other than dogspeak? What if he could take to the Twitterverse?

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Burglar at window … zzz, mailman at door… zzz, other dog walking across territory … zzz. Ever have the feeling that when it came down to it, your dog would remain sacked out against the wall, holding it up — unless he heard unmistakable kitchen sounds? Yeah, I do, too.

Ah, the old bait and switch. A most unfortunate series of events if the veterinarian’s office lies a mere mile beyond the exact same route you take to wide-open park bliss. How many of us have watched our best boy’s face fall like a ton of bones as he realizes what really lies ahead?

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What a betrayal. Our dogs spend so much time joyfully “decorating” our living spaces and “accessorizing” our clothes, and we simply vacuum, lint-roll and sweep it away with much disdain.

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You’ve been gone all day, you’ve picked up new smells … maybe even scents of other dogs. What choice does your poor doggo have other than to share his greatest fears with the interwebs: You’ve found another furry love.

Dogs everywhere want to make it clear: Let sleeping dogs lie. Wherever they want, for however long they might. Forget that Zoom call with your boss. The dog is your boss now.

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As No Dog Ever slyly proceeds to steal the homemade muffins, fresh-cooked salmon, loaf of bread or cut-up strawberries right off of said counter and drop them down the hatch before the adjacent napkin flutters to the floor.

Nothing like getting busted by a narc with photo evidence of wrongdoing. And having to endure more jabby-jabby, pokey-proddy sad times.

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Ah, what good is Twitter if not for sharing our most embarrassing medical mishaps and misadventures?

Sometimes it’s funnier to share your mischievous mistakes with the world. Why deprive people (and dogs) of a good laugh and relatable experience?


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