Found your true love? If your thoughts drift to your potato chip stash or constant Netflix bingeing affair, you might need some help in the department de amour. If you’re ready to spend quality time with a soul mate, it’s time to get serious. However, that mythical flying cherub with love-laced arrows made to magically match you with the one person you won’t kill for leaving the cap off the toothpaste isn’t going to cut it.
Any plan to deliver you from the doldrums of your love life needs real bite, not the weak gums of a fat baby. What if the ideal matchmaker was an unfailing judge of character and loyal to a fault … and furry and adorable as all get-out? What if Cupid were … a dog? Maybe, specifically, your dog?
Cupid cutie: First of all, he would be way cuter. And have a way better name, like St. Fluffentine, Dapper Dog, Matchmaker Muttenstein or, for the less imaginative, Pupid.
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No ice to break: Who needs to melt the ice when an animated adora-dog is there to melt awkwardness, spark conversation and offer the comforting bonds of something shared in common?
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The perfect matchmaker: The partner-vetting process suddenly is very simple. We all know that dogs inherently know who’s good and who’s not. Pupid would weed out those people he knows would be bad for you.
Easy with that arrow: St. Fluffentine’s “arrow” wouldn’t be some cold spike but rather a 6-foot leash, ready to tangle two star-crossed lovers together, and a lolling tongue, perfectly made for dog kisses that could lead thoughts toward human smooches.
Added attraction: Dapper Dog will make you seem more attractive to the opposite sex. Who wouldn’t want that? Studies upon studies show that animal lovers — dog lovers in particular — display more positive traits like loyalty, compassion and kindness.
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Walk your way to love: Shy? A homebody? Walking a dog is one of the easiest ways to make friends. Matchmaker Muttenstein would provide you the motivation to get out and hang where other dog lovers frequent: dog parks, dog beaches, dog-friendly trails and pet stores — all are perfect places for Pupid to do his work.
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Digs under the surface: St. Fluffentine goes for quality over superficiality. If you’re not an Ivy school graduate and rolling in money but have a heart of gold, a witty sensibility and a sense of adventure, this lapping flufflebutt of love will help others see and appreciate your many charms.
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Double the dog: While Dapper Dog is at it helping you find a whirlwind romance meant to last, he would look out for his own self-interests, too, and pair you with a sweetie who also has an awesome dog with whom he could romp and spend his days.
Read Next: Why Do Dogs Win Our Hearts?
